Nightmare
by cattm
Summary: My first fanfic ever. Lee/Kara. Set in season 2, spoilers up until episode 6 Home. I'd love reviews if anybody reads this. Please let me know if I haven't used the right genre/rating and so on. Changed rating!
1. Part One Nightmare

**Nightmare **

It's the whimper that wakes him up. He doesn't know what it was that woke him up at first, he just knows that something is off, wrong. He sits up, a bit dizzy from sleep, and tries to get his bearings. There is an odd energy to the bunk room. He opens his curtains and peeks out. Then he hears it again. Kara is moving. Not calm movements as in turning over in her sleep to get more comfortable, but something twitchy, jerky. Her curtains are closed, so all he can hear is the sound of it, a restless rustling of her sheets. Then she makes that sound again. A short, desperate whimper that is cut short. He gets cold inside. What's happening? Then it dawns on him. She's having a nightmare. Again. There has been a lot of those since her return from Caprica.

He looks around the bunk room again. He's not the only one that's noticed. Hot Dog has opened a curtain too and is looking out. The poor kid looks bewildered, lost. Something in his universe is all wrong. The one constant, the cocky Starbuck, shouldn't act like this. They all feel it, something has changed, and they don't like it. The life for the pilots is so precarious, so fragile. They never know what's going to happen next, who's not coming back. They need their constants. So when one of the most basic constants, Starbuck, acts like this, all bets are off, and everything can happen. Everything can go to hell. He's noticed it during his briefings before CAPs. There is a nervous energy in the room, and he misses her comments. Every time his eyes pass over the room, he gets stuck on the shadows under her eyes. She just sits there, quiet. She still flies well, she always will, and when she's in the air, she is almost her old self. She jokes, laughs, makes boasting comments, pushes the nuggets to their limits, makes them all better at what they are doing, but as soon as she is on back on the ground, the energy just runs out of her. She still smiles weakly at him if he's there, and he makes sure that he is if he just can arrange it (and lately he has been pushing things to arrange that), and every time he sees that smile, he gets more afraid. She is tightly wound.

He can hear her breathe. Short, gasping breaths, erratic. He has to do something, he can't take this anymore. He has to help her somehow. He pushes the curtains all to one side and swings his feet over the edge. He looks over at Hot Dog and says "It's ok. I've got it."

Hot Dog looks grateful, relieved. The CAG will set things right. Lee just wishes he knew how. The weight of being CAG has been increasingly heavy lately. He hasn't realized before how much help she has been giving him, and how much of the spirit has relied on her, not him. In fact, without Starbuck, Apollo wouldn't be even near as good a CAG as he is with her.

He jumps down on the floor and walks over to her bunk. She is still moving in some way, still breathing shallowly, almost hyperventilating. He takes a deep breath and opens one curtain to take a peek. Her head is moving on her pillow, her face contorted. It's like she's shaking her head, no, no, no. His hand reaches out, hovering above her cheek for a moment before he gently stills her head. She takes a deeper breath, but doesn't wake up. Keeping his hand on her cheek, cupping it lightly, he crawls up beside her and closes the curtain behind him with his free hand.

"Shhhh", he whispers. "I'm here, Kara. It will be all right". Will it? He doesn't know. But he has to believe it. He has to help her. He can't take this, not when it's her. He stretches out beside her, propping up his head on one elbow, without breaking contact. He strokes her cheek. She seems somewhat calmer. He whispers in her ear. He doesn't know what he's saying, he just keeps mumbling sweet nothings, all the comforting things he can think of. Her breath slows down, and she turns a little towards him. His breath catches.

She is wearing her tanks and some briefs. The tanks have ridden up during her thrashing, baring part of her stomach. His gaze travels over her, and then he sees it. A scar. It looks fresh, puckered, in the dim nightlight that filters through the threadbare curtains. Pain twists inside him. What happened to her? He should have been there. He should have protected her. The pain is mixed with a little anger. Why did she break away from him? Abandon him, leave him alone in space, jump away? Now, after the fact, he can understand her, and he also knows that he wouldn't have let her do it if he had known about it. His hand moves to her stomach. He traces the scar with light fingers. She sighs.

"I'm sorry", he whispers in her ear, his nose almost touching her temple. Then he leans back a little again. He looks around her bunk. The pyramid ball is resting on the shelf above. Again he wonders what happened on Caprica. She's holding things back. Doesn't want to tell him. And it's eating away at her, hollowing her out. He closes his eyes and lowers his head again, this time really touching his nose to her temple. He inhales. She still smells the same. Kara. He takes long, deep breaths, filled with her smell. He whispers her name. She shifts again, curling up against him. She seems calm now. He raises his head and looks down on her. Then he lays his head down on his arm, his forehead against hers.

"I'm here now, Kara", he whispers and closes his eyes.

"I'm here". His hand is still resting on her stomach when he falls asleep.


	2. Part Two Dream

Part Two - Dream

It is the whimper that wakes him up. This time he knows what it is. Her breath is shallow, quick. Another nightmare. Lee props himself up on one elbow and looks at her. He is still lying stretched out beside her, close to the edge of the bunk. The bunks are _not_ made for double occupancy. Kara has moved closer to the wall, and turned over to her back. Her right knee is drawn up a bit, resting against the wall. She moves a little, her chest rising with each breath. She looks flushed. Lee blinks a few times, trying to clear his head. He must have been sleeping deeply before she woke him up again. Deeper than in a long time. He guesses they have a calming influence on each other, then. At least he thought he had that effect on her, but he is obviously mistaken since the nightmare is back.

Her lips are parted slightly. Her cheeks rosy and flushed. This time her face isn't strained, she doesn't look as haunted as earlier during the night. Her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks as her eyes move behind their lids while she dreams. Funny how he hasn't noticed how long her lashes are before. Her hair is spread out on the pillow, a few strands clinging to her forehead and cheeks. She really does look flushed, almost feverish. He lifts his hand and rests it against her forehead. She is warm. When he touches her, she makes a little gasping sound and turns her head a little away from him, exposing her neck. He sees her pulse in the juncture between her jaw and neck. A fast, throbbing movement. He can't resist putting a finger there, barely touching her. Her blood flutters beneath him. She is so beautiful. He takes a deep breath, filling his lungs, his nose with her smell. Then he shakes his head a little. What is he doing? She is having a nightmare. He needs to focus, help her. Something holds him back.

It is still dark in the bunkroom, just the nightlight on. Quiet, calm. Everyone asleep, except for him. He looks at her again. The blanket is crumpled in the lower corner of the bunk, one of her feet tangled in it. There is no need for a blanket in a bunk with two persons in it.

Suddenly, she makes that gasping sound again, and arches her back a bit. Her right hand slides a tiny distance on her stomach, approaching her rib cage. Her lips part a bit more. Lee looks closer at her face. Maybe this isn't a nightmare after all. Frak. He feels his breath shorten, his pulse picking up. He lets his gaze travel down her body, lingering. Her nipples stand out against her tanks, sharp little points.

His skin feels tight and warm, almost too small. He shifts uncomfortably. How is he supposed to act now? He had come here to calm her down, to ease her nightmare. As a friend. Right now, though, he does not think of himself as her friend at all. He clenches his fists. Puts his head down against one of them. Takes deep breaths. Bad idea. That only makes him more aware of her smell. It is more intense now. More of her. Kara. Frak. All of a sudden, that is all he can think about. Kara. _Frak_. He swears silently. And then he smiles deprecatingly at himself. That's the word, all right. _Frak._

He raises his head again. Looks at her face. So pretty. This is a bad idea. He should leave. Without being able to stop himself, he touches his nose to her temple, just like he did a few hours ago. Inhales slowly. She moans. Lee doesn't know where to turn. He is definitely getting aroused. What is she dreaming? Who is she dreaming about? _Whoa, don't go there. _He touches his finger to her jawline again, feeling her heartbeat. He wants to put the tip of his tongue there.

Kara moves again. Arches her back, letting her hand slip further up along her rib cage, pushing up her tanks even more. There is one more scar, one he didn't see before. How many scars are there? Her hand stops just below her breast, her fingers covered by fabric. She is getting more vocal, muttering something incoherent in her sleep. He leans closer, trying to decipher the seemingly random syllables. No luck.

He really should leave, go back to his own bunk. Instead he touches her again. Puts his palm on the inside of her raised knee. So warm. He strokes her knee a little. Then moves his hand along the inside of her thigh, almost down to the apex of her legs. _What is he doing? _Her breatch hitches. So does his.

Her eyes open gradually. He holds his breath. She looks at him. He looks back. Their gazes hold for what seems like forever. He can't interpret her expression. She looks a little confused, but at the same time recognizing him. He wants to believe that he can see the different emotions swirling around in her eyes. Tenderness. Sleepiness, but at the same time alertness. Even pain, remains of the anguish from before. And just maybe the same desire coursing through him right now. Her pupils are huge, dilated. She looks almost… dazed. He briefly wonders what she can see in his eyes.

"Lee…?" she whispers, her breath shuddering as he moves his hand a little on the inside of her leg.

"You were dreaming, Kara", he whispers, his voice a little shaky. "Before. You had a nightmare." His left hand keeps stroking the mid part of her thigh slowly, just an inch or so downwards before he turns his hand back up again.

"But it's not a nightmare anymore, is it?" he adds after a short pause. She still looks at him, impossible to interpret. "You're dreaming something else this time."

"Kara? What were you dreaming?"


	3. Part Three Fantasy

Part Three - Fantasy

_She has been painting. Concentric circles in bright, primary colors. Vibrating, pulsating, hypnotizing circles, consuming her. The only way to break free is to hurl buckets of paint all over the wall. She does. From where did she get all that paint? It slides down the wall, and she is giddy with relief. She is spattered with paint, as is he. He is not happy. He wants her to keep painting her circles. He spins her around and slams her into the wall. Brings her hands above her head and leans in. His face is blurry. Suddenly she is hot all over. His face hovers above hers, fractions of an inch away. _

_She can feel the paint running down the wall behind her, permeating her hair, soaking her tanks. She wants to feel his hands on her, his mouth, his body pressed to hers. She wants to transfer all that paint to his body. He leans in, pressing his lips to hers, his hips to hers, and the next thing she knows, she is on the floor, her clothes gone as are his, and he is over her, pounding into her, and all she can do is hold on. She keeps her eyes closely shut, tries not to come yet. Has she ever felt this much?_

_Behind her eyelids, the colors swirl. Forming those circles all over again. She opens her eyes with a gasp. Staring right into his. His eyes are also concentric circles. Dilated pupils surrounded by blue irises. All she is aware of are the frakking circles, and his body on top of hers, and she has never been this hot before. His body inside hers, sensations rippling out from her core, also in concentric circles, like rings on water, only that image is too… weak, when she feels more than she's ever done in her whole life._

Then his eyes change. Pale blue gradually turns brighter. She's awake and asleep at the same time. In that instant she knows everything about everything, all seems clear. She remembers her nightmare, and how someone calmed her. _Lee_. Lee soothed her. She also remembers her other dream. A flood of warmth rushes through her.

"Lee..."

Her voice is gravely, deep. How can such a short word convey so many emotions?

His hand is on the inside of her thigh. Only his thumb moves, drawing circles on her heated skin. Her gaze is locked in his.

Time is suspended. Her heart beats rapidly, and yet each beat lasts so long. A multitude of contractions in no time at all, drawn out over endless eons.

"You were dreaming, Kara", he whispers. His voice resonates through her. She can feel it vibrating inside her. "Before. You had a nightmare." She nods, almost imperceptibly. His hand is still moving on her thigh. She marvels at the feeling.

"But it's not a nightmare anymore, is it?" he adds after a short pause. His voice is a little deeper now, rumbling, filling her. "You're dreaming something else this time."

"Kara? What were you dreaming?"

She lifts her hand. It's heavy, and it feels like moving in slow motion. She puts it on top of his wrist, and lets gravity do the work. She just relaxes her arm. The weight of it pulls his hand downwards, excruciatingly slowly. When his hand comes to rest at the base of her thigh, she draws a shuddering breath. He moves his thumb again, brushes it along the edge of her panties. She swallows a moan, but closes her eyes and can't help flexing her hips a bit. His breath rushes out, he has been holding it since he asked. How could he do that, hold his breath so long? It's already an infinity since then.

"Kara…" Lee leans close, bending over her. His eyes are bluer than ever, electric. They glow, in the dim light they become beacons, guiding her. She lifts her hand from his wrist. His thumb strokes the skin at the juncture of her thigh once more and then he slides his hand over her hip to her waist. His knee settles over hers. Her skin is burning where they touch. His breath feathers over her lips. Her pulse is racing, her nerves are assailed with impulses, she feels as if she'll burst out of her skin, overwhelmed by all emotions swirling inside. She can feel the need coiling in her womb.

Slowly he lowers his head, watching for her reaction. He touches his nose to hers, waiting. She parts her lips. He will kiss her, and nothing ever felt this right. Then his lips touch hers. Their mouths are open, their breaths melding. He holds still at first. When she doesn't withdraw, he closes his eyes and deepens the kiss. His tongue traces her lower lip and she whimpers. That elicits a groan from him and his tongue starts playing with hers. Heat rushes through her, pooling between her legs. She pushes her knee further under his, increasing the area of their skin meeting. He moves on top of her, rests between her legs. His hand moves at her waist, gliding over her flat stomach. She can feel him, hot and hard against her thigh, where his hand was earlier.

His lips move to her neck, nibbling. She shudders and moves her hands along his arms, up to his shoulders, his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. Her arms and hands feel heavy, sluggish. His hand caresses her tummy, her ribcage, slides along her skin underneath her tanks to her breast. She's not wearing her bra, usually doesn't if she's just going to sleep after showering. His hand stops just below for a moment, then his thumb brushes the underside of her breast. She gasps, arches into his chest. He growls and claims her mouth again. He fills his palm with her breast and she has to force herself to remember breathing. Her nipple is contracted to the point of pain, overly sensitive, as his fingers play with it. She bunches his tanks in her hands, wants to feel his skin next to hers, his chest against hers. He helps her drag them over his head, then he reaches for her tanks and strips her quickly before kissing her again. He leans down, melding his torso to her but keeping most of his weight on his elbows.

Her hips flex, he shifts to meet her. She spreads her legs a little wider, allowing him access. He presses his hips down on hers, aligned just right, and she moans, her breath even faster. She has been on the edge since she woke up. She explores his back, his arms, his chest, her hands roaming and she can't get enough. Lee kisses down her neck, sucks lightly at her pulse, nibbles along her collarbone. His hand travels the distance from her chest to her hips, then delves inside her briefs. She is melting. She can hear herself make strange keening noices as he touches her. He shudders against her and whispers her name, his voice is hoarse to the point of breaking. He kisses her again. Somehow they manage to remove their underwear without breaking the kiss. Then he is inside her. They both gasp as he is sliding home. She closes her eyes and is lost in his scent. Colors swirl behind her eyelids and she breaks, shuddering against him. It's too intense. She keeps her eyes tightly shut, her arms fiercly hugging his shoulders, her face pressed into the crook of his neck. Holding on to him. Holding on, so that she won't get lost in this swirling storm of emotions. Lee moves against her, slowly at first, then faster. She is hot, wet, tight, and she pulses around him, and then he breaks too.

Afterwards, he keeps kissing her, murmuring sweet words against her temple. So close. Kara shifts. This isn't her. She doesn't know what's happening. Starbuck fraks. This is not frakking. This is too… tender. She is confused. She tries to muster up some energy, tries to grasp Starbuck, who is there somewhere inside her. She just doesn't know where right now. Lee rolls off her, to her side, gathers her close. His hands keep caressing her body. His fingers gravitate to her scars, tracing them.

"What happened, Kara?" His eyes are deep, concerned. "What did they do to you?" She can see so many feelings in his face. Worry, fondness, concern, something warm she can't define, even anger. She's not sure if it's directed at what happened on Caprica or at her, for not telling him, or both.

"No. Not yet." She shies away from the memories, blocking them out. Starbuck would have said something flippant, joking it all away, or lashed out at him. But no Starbuck tonight. She is tired, still dazed, it's almost as if she's still somewhere between sleep and awake, or both at once. He looks as if he wants to press the issue, but then he acquiesces and tucks her closer to him.

They lie together, close. Breathing in sync. One entity.

She can't let go of that dream. It is fading, she doesn't remember the details anymore. Just the paint. And circles, and pale blue eyes. She remembers them, but can't really place them. A vague unease spreads inside her. She determinedly turns off those thoughts and turns towards Lee again. Buries her nose in his neck and concentrates on him. His smell. So familiar, so... secure. His arm tightens around her, his hand splayed on her back.

She sleeps.


End file.
